Here's another chain email I received, rewrote, and then hit
"reply to all". The original is in blue, my responses are in red.
-----Original Message-----
From: Mike Descado - Asheville, NC
Sent: Thursday, March 11, 2004 8:56 AM
To: Southeast Marketing Group
Subject: RE: Things that make you feel good,
or bad.
Please make sure you forward this back to me -- you'll see why at the end! Think about them one at a time BEFORE going
on to the next one......... IT DOES MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD, especially the thought at the end.
This email made me feel like shit. I started crying at the end. Thanks a lot!
1. Falling in love..... or off a subway platform.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.....
and you have an aneurysm and die.
3. A hot shower..... OF
BLOOD!!!.
4. No lines at the supermarket..... because a mad man just opened fire.
5. A special glance..... that
says, "I'm going to kill you".
6. Getting mail..... covered in Anthrax.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.....
and realizing your break lines have been cut.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio..... then discovering your radio isn't actually turned on.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside..... and the early warning tornado horn.
10. Hot towels fresh out
of the dryer..... which your cat
took a crap on just before you started the cycle.
11. Finding the sweater you want is on
sale for half price..... but you're
too fat to wear it.
12. Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla!) (or strawberry!).....
sprinkled with powered roofies
13. A long distance phone call..... from your son, who's in jail, in Singapore.
14. A bubble bath..... of frothy human snot.
15.
Giggling..... until you get your ass kicked for being a sissy.
16.
A good conversation..... about
herpes.
17. The beach..... with broken glass in the sand.
18. Finding a 20 note in your
coat from last winter..... and
realizing you used it to wipe your ass when you were drunk.
19. Laughing at yourself..... for having a small penis.
20.
Midnight phone calls that last for hours..... from the Mafia.
21. Running through sprinklers..... that are spraying hydrochloric acid.
22. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all..... 'cause you're insane.
23. Having someone tell you that you're
beautiful..... to get you into
bed.
24. Laughing at an inside joke..... only to discover that you're the "butt" of it.
25. Friends.....
who die without paying the money they
owe you.
26. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you..... and knowing they're totally wrong.
27. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep..... but
that your stay of execution expires at dawn.
28. Your first kiss..... and the cold sore you get two weeks later.
29. Making new friends or spending time with old ones..... in prison.
30. Playing with a new puppy..... and accidentally dropping it on its head.
31. Having someone play with your hair..... with Nair all over their hands.
32. Sweet dreams..... about being tortured and eaten by the evil candy cane people.
33. Hot chocolate..... so hot, in fact, that you burst into flames when you drink it.
34.
Road trips with friends..... that
end with squealing tires and a four hundred foot drop into a ravine
35. Swinging on swings.....
or as other people call it, "the gallows".
36. Wrapping presents under the Christmas tree while eating
cookies and drinking your favorite ripple..... by yourself, since no one likes you.
37. Song lyrics printed
inside your new CD so you can sing along without feeling stupid..... not that you can actually open the CD, since it's sealed with a clear plastic polymer that's stronger
than titanium.
38. Going to a really good concert..... and seeing your girlfriend there with another guy. (That guy is your dad).
39. Making eye contact with a cute stranger..... only to realize that they were looking past you at somebody else.
40.
Winning a really competitive game..... of Russian Roulette.
41. Making chocolate chip cookies.....
out of little black rocks for the neighborhood
kids to break their teeth on.
42. Having your friends send you homemade cookies..... laced with cyanide.
43.
Spending time with close friends..... at the
morgue.
44. Seeing smiles and hearing laughter
from your friends..... who are bombed
out of their minds on absinth.
45. Holding hands with someone you care about.....
and wishing they hadn't been dismembered.
46. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things
(good or bad) never change..... like the fact that they're still sleeping with your wife.
47.
Riding the best roller coasters over and over..... and vomiting right on your own crotch.
48.
Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you..... and realize it's a bomb.
49. Watching the sunrise.....
for the last time, 'cause you're a vampire.
50. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day..... of shitty chain emails.
PASS
ON THESE NATURAL HIGHS TO AT LEAST 7 PEOPLE IN THE NEXT HALF HOUR AND SOMETHING FANTASTIC WILL HAPPEN TO YOU IN THE NEXT FEW
HOURS.
Really? Like what? Getting MORE shitty chain emails? Eat me!
Be sure to send it back to the person who sent it to you!
Be sure to pick up a crowbar at the hardware store 'cause you're gonna need one to pry my foot outta your ass!
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble
remembering how to fly.
No they're not! They're parasitic leeches
that only tolerate your hideousness because they want something from you. Die...
