Since goofing off on the internet while I'm at work is more fun than actually working, I often come across martial arts forums like www.jkdforum.com where people are arguing back and forth about various topics. A little conflict is healthy, but I feel it's my duty to take a moment to explain a few of the more controversial points. How can I "explain" things that are a matter of debate? Well, that's simple. I know everything.

Okay, let's talk about "Jesus Lee, Superstar". Bruce Lee was a pioneer in the martial arts. He was the first in modern times to address the realities of hand to hand combat. Before then, martial artists in America knew exactly shit. Bruce came along with what was basically a very narrow background in Wing Chun, and taught himself what real fighting was. Was he an innovator? Yes! Was he one hell of an athlete? Yes! Did he have it all figured out? No...

Bruce took the first steps, that's it and that's all. Today, we know 10 times more about combat than Bruce did. Why? Because 1) martial artists now compete against each other in NHB matches, and 2) our multimedia culture makes video access to actual street fights far more available. If you want an example of #2, go on Kazaa or Morpheus and do a search for "street fights". There are plenty to download.

That aside, #1 is the most telling. In the venue of martial arts, we now know- unequivocally- what works and what doesn't. Bruce didn't have the benefit of events like the UFC, so he was forced to rely on what worked for HIM against other people. He did a fantastic job, but he died long before he was finished. For example, Bruce's ground fighting techniques were laughable by today's standards, and many of his punches, while powerful when done BY HIM, were not technically sound.

Check out any of his books on fighting. His hook punches are not hook punches at all; they're more like tight haymakers. Bruce keeps his hands too low in all of those books, and his uppercut looks like it came from the video game, Mortal Kombat. HOWEVER, he had the speed and physical conditioning to make those punches work.

The point is, Bruce didn't know it all. The information simply didn't exist during his lifetime. Instructors like Bas Rutten, Pat Milletek, Rickson Gracie, and Igor Gokor (please forgive my spelling) know a ton more than Bruce did because the knowledge in now there for the taking. I picked those four names because they were the first to come to mind, but there are countless others that this applies to. Unlike Bruce, these people didn't have to invent anything, they didn't have to desperately struggle for every sliver of fact in a sea of feces. The foundation was laid beforehand by people like Bruce.

Regardless, way too many people blab on and on about how "Bruce was unbeatable" and "no one will ever be as good as Bruce Lee."

H O R S E S H I T !!!

Stop worshipping Bruce Lee, people! It's okay to admire him, he certainly deserves it, but don't take every word out of his mouth as the gospel truth. Bruce had a lot to learn in his time, and there were a few things he was downright wrong about. I'm not saying he wouldn't have revolutionized the martial arts world if he'd lived, but unfortunately, he DIDN'T live. By the way, from Bruce's writing, it's clear that most people are doing EXACTLY what he didn't want them to do, which leads me to my next point:

Bruce's art of Jeet Kune Do (JKD for short) is indeed a style. You can wax all philosophical about it, you can ascend to a higher plain while chanting and burning incense, but that won't change the simple fact of the matter. It has a name, duh?, and there are common elements in JKD that seldom vary from school to school. The rear leg round kick, for example, is a Thai kick. In just about any school you go to, that particular technique is thrown Thai style. There's no chambering of the leg, (as in Tae Kwon Do, Karate, and Kung Fu), no telegraphic motion, and the striking surface is the shin instead of the instep or ball of the foot. The characteristic JKD side kick is shared, Pok Sau and Lop Sau are shared, (again, forgive the spelling), the leading straight punch is categorically taught, along with the principles of interception rather than blocking. Stop hits, low line/high line, strong side forward- these are elements common to the STYLE of JKD.

To the people on those forums... stop bitching about it! If there wasn't a style, what would you learn? For example, you have to have a set method for throwing a jab, and that method must be consistent so it can be passed on. That is the very definition of "style". If you disagree, please do the following: First of all, go fuck yourself in the ass. Second, (after your ass stops bleeding), go get a plaque that proclaims your inescapable status as a complete dipshit, and hang it on your neck... Speaking of which:

Spirituality in the martial arts is utter crap. At this point in time, there's no scientific evidence whatsoever for Chi or Ki. There's plenty of bullshit hippie pseudo-science to back it up, but since that stuff is based on a steaming pile of shit straight from a dog's ass, it doesn't count.

Riddle me this, Batman. If this "energy" is everywhere, and so prevalent, why can't it be measured? Why can't it be empirically detected? Why can't it be quantified? The answer... because it's a figment of your fucking imagination!

Martial artists always wanna be the Zen masters. They wanna be "Cain" from Kung Fu. They wanna be able to do the Dim Mak. Fine! Do that shit, but don't expect to win a fight. You think boxers walk around thinking about the spiritual philosophy of throwing a right cross? FUCK NO!!! They learn the technique, they do the work, and eventually, they don't think about anything. The opening comes, BAM! The tool strikes. There's no mystic element to it, it's pure physics derived by ingrained neural response.

There's nothing that pisses me off more than somebody talking about "internal power" or "channeling their energies". Case in point. 1997, I was working at a YMCA conference center in North Carolina. I was the pool director, and one day, this assclown starts doing kata on the pool deck. I immediately recognize it as a Wing Chun form, and since his technique wasn't half bad, I decide to talk to him- or rather, I decide to make myself available for him to talk to me.

So, I'm sitting there life guarding the deep end, and Mr. Assclown gets up on the diving board. This guy's kid is apparently there with him, 'cause the boy shouts out, "Come on Daddy, do a karate kick off the diving board!!!"

Mr. Assclown's response to this was, "I don't do Karate, son, I'm trained against it."

Oh HELLLL naw!

I was already doing JKD and Brazilian Jujitsu by that time, but my previous training had been in traditional Karate; in fact, I'd placed second in fighting at the JKA (Japanese Karate Association) Nationals in Denver Colorado in 1993 or 94, I can't remember. Anyway, I immediately translated Assclown's comment as: "Please Mike, please beat my ass! I beg of you! Show me what an utter moron I am!"

I readily agreed.

As Mr. Assclown exits the water right by my chair, I asked him- very innocently- what he was doing before on the pool deck. He giddily tells me how he's a "Master of Wing Chun" from bumble fuck Florida somewhere. I let him talk on and on about how bad he is, before I throw in the obligatory, "Well, I actually do some training myself." As I've initiated a hundred times before, this leads to a chain reaction whereby HE asks ME to spar.

To make a long story even longer, we met at the conference center's pavilion later that afternoon, and never before have I unleashed a beating like that. This guy was the absolute WORST fighter I have ever seen or heard about. He sucked so bad I almost felt sorry for him. Keep in mind, we were point sparring, (as he didn't know anything else), but I was hitting him flush over and over in the body. The finale was a textbook Shotakon style reverse punch to Assclown's jaw, which knocked him to the concrete. I remember that moment with absolute clarity because there were two skateboarder kids watching us the whole time, and when I decked Mr. Assclown, they turned to each other and started laughing EXACTLY like Beavis and Butthead.

Uh huh huh, huh huh huh, huh mmm huh... etc.

I could've pissed my gi pants it was so funny. Anyway, the point of this was that Mr. Assclown spent at least 30 minutes before the fight telling me about his "chi" powers. One of the better ones was his "iron vest" ability, which supposedly allowed him to take damage without getting hurt. Well my friends, he took a shit load of damage that afternoon, and believe me, it hurt. You see, it didn't matter how adamantly he believed in the spiritual aspect of his abilities, he had no physical tools. His katas looked good, but his timing was for shit, his defense was for shit, and his footwork was for shit. I don't know what his power was like because he never touched me. This is the danger of getting all "mystical" about fighting, and mine is not an isolated incident. The easiest opponents I've had in my martial arts tenure have been the "Chi" guys. By that same token, the toughest I've faced have been your trailer park brand rednecks. No education, no spirituality, all animal. Very had to control.

There's nothing spiritual about a fight. It's primal and savage and chaotic. If you wanna survive, put the weed bong down and get to the gym!