I'm posting this under the heading, "Not meant to be funny, but..." because there's nothing funny about this level of ignorance. It's arrogant and it's dangerous and it's altogether too common. This guy "Freddy" emailed in to rag on the religious content of my writing, and his reasoning will shock you to your very core, (at least it did me).

His email is in purple, my responses are in green.

DON'T LET THIS BE YOU!!!

From : XKillerGum115@aol.com

Sent : Wednesday, March 10, 2004 2:47 AM

To : MichaelDescado@hotmail.com

Subject : Yo ho.

Interesting stuff, sir. Without the intention of offense, I'd like to point out that what you've been writing about evolution, religion and so forth has been written and thought of many, many times by many other people and has not gone unanswered.

First of all, no shit. Second of all, the "answers" that are given in defense of religion/denouncement of evolution, are faith based. They have no business in a scientific discussion. This sounds almost like a desperate threat to me.

I really don't have many answers myself,

SURPRISE!!!

but I might as well take a shot at it.

Yep, might as well. Every other shit heel and charlatan has.

Not that I know your entire life story and so on, but it seems to me that you've put more thought and time into science and not enough into religion to where it's obvious you turned from whatever wacky faith you were under back as a child.

This statement really cracked me up. I love how my childhood faith was "wacky", implying that you've found the "true" religion. Nice...

By the way, I've studied religion since I was twelve years old, and still do to this day. Contrastingly, I didn't get into Biochemistry until I went to college at eighteen. In terms of "hours put in", I know a hell of a lot more about religion than I do about science, which is saying a lot. Any time you wanna quiz me, bitch, you just step on up to the plate and get your ass whipped.

Also, isn't it kind of nutty to be writing out life stories on the internet?

Why? I like writing my stories. People like reading 'em. And as far as it being "nutty", well, I guess I just don't give a fuck.

I mean, remaining a mysterious individual on the internet has some benefits.

Speaking of pedophilia.

And in response to the little bits and pieces I've read while skimming through your writing, I'll try to answer a few things. Why a few? Because although I mistakenly drank caffeine, I still won't be awake for very long, and two, because I really don't care enough to put too much time into this.

And three, you don't KNOW enough to put much into this.

So, now that I've explained myself.

What?!? When did you "explain" yourself? All you've done is set up a safety net facade of laziness and indifference so that when I verbally slap you in the face with my dick, (which I'm about to do), you can fake a yawn and say, "Oh well, I wasn't trying anyway", before shoving your head back into the sand.

If you're gonna state an opinion, be a man about it! Don't make preliminary excuses for what you're about to say.

What... a... pussy!!!

Most religions out there derived from Catholicism in the first place.

Oh really? And which religions are those? Judaism and Islam, (through spawned from the same old testament roots), have been around a hell of a lot longer than Catholicism. And eastern faiths like Buddhism, Hinduism, and Shinto have nothing to do with Christian dogmas. How about the multi-theistic beliefs of the Greeks and Romans? How about the religions of Mesoamerica, (Olmecs, Mayans, Aztecs, etc.)?

Christianity has only been around for about 1900 years, so you're either a complete dumbass, or a delusional liar.

Or maybe you're referring to the different Christian denominations as "most religions", in which case I'd agree with you. Baptists, Methodists, Lutherans, etc. all spring from Catholicism at least indirectly, since Catholicism is the earliest known incarnation of Christianity that's still in practice. If the latter is true, then you need to redefine your use of the word "religion". There are many more Moslems in the world than there are Catholics.

They've altered the bible for their own purposes and consequently screwed themselves over with their contradictions and heresies.

Ah, so it WAS the latter, and you don't consider any other faiths besides Judeo-Christian ones, "religion". You are aware that there's an entire planet of people whose differing religious convictions are just as strong as yours, don't you? I sensed stupidity at the beginning of this email within the evasive, pussy-assed disclaimer, but this takes the cake. It's official, you're a moron.

Most of the other religions have never had truly intelligent writers,

Wait, wait, wait... What are you implying here? That the people who "wrote" the Catholic bible are different from the people that wrote, say, the New Life bible? Don't you guys use the King James version?

but people that simply did not care for religion in the first place,

You're simply talking out of your ass, here.

and those that did were torn between the various pleasures of life and their religion,

Tell you that, did they?

First of all, if the original bible was infallible- which could only mean that God made sure the people who wrote it down got it right- why wouldn't God have made sure any subsequent translations were correct? If he ensured divine inspiration the first time, why would he allow it to get all fucked up later on? Hmmm...

Secondly, I doubt the lowly scribes and translators, (or poets, in the case of the King James version), who put the bible together at multiple and various times during the last two thousand years "simply altered" it to suit their own needs. I'm sure the people PAYING them to do the work had some input, but so what? That's always been the case. (And keep in mind, it's all equally bullshit to me).

Well, sheesh, OBVIOUSLY those types are going to have followers. "Oh, hey, this religion says fifty wives! I'll take that and an order of French fries, please."

What "types"? Easily led sheep, like you? Yep, I agree. And what religion says you can have fifty wives? Mormons, maybe? Okey dokey, but let's not forget that the old testament has multiple examples of polygamy. The most famous case is Abraham, who took two wives, and the religions of Judaism and Moslem sprang from each of the diverging bloodlines.

Now then. If you believe that the universe can be infinite, why can't you believe that there is an infinite God?

Simple. There's no evidence for an infinite God. Moreover, there's no need of an infinite God. The mechanisms work just fine on their own.

Not me. In fact, I offered this exact same possibility in "My take on creation". I don't personally believe it because, again, the introduction of a super being isn't necessary. Regardless, maybe you should try reading the whole post before you open your big fat pie hole.

You were ranting on about how random and improbable everything was. That merely gives way to the idea that there had to be something behind such a major coincidence. An infinite being, as I would obviously say.

No, that's what you WANT to be true because it fits in with your faith. The reason I emphasized how improbable it was, is to illustrate why- within an infinite universe with infinite solar systems- ours is the only planet with life, (as far as we know). I went into painstaking detail to make this point clear, and you still didn't get it. You don't have to agree with me, but I figured anybody could see where I was coming from. I guess I was wrong.

I deem you too stupid to read my website. Go away.

Eh, let's see. This world is everything but lost.

I don't know what this means. Are you trying to tell me that you're "Eh" constipated?

It is stated in the Bible that God loves us.

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.

The original, unaltered Bible is infallible.

Where can I pick up a copy of this unaltered, infallible bible? I checked Amazon.com, but they don't seem to have it. Are YOU in possession of it? If so, perhaps you could make some photocopies so we can all see what God really meant.

Or perhaps you were pointing out that the bible itself says it's infallible, which is the dumbest argument I've ever heard.

This is you: "The bible is the literal word of God!!! Look, it says so right here in the bible!!!"

Painful...

By that rationale, I'm gonna have the preface of my first novel state that it's divinely inspired and infallible. That should increase sales.

That is where we get our ideas of that.

I wouldn't be bragging about it, dipshit.

And love can be different to Him. There are other forms of love, one being pity. A great love through pity. We were created to love Him in return, only we do not.

This is an equally stupid argument. God "created" us to love, but apparently he fucked it all up 'cause we do not love him. God's not quite batting a 1000 with us, is he?

His love for us was great enough to give us a chance to save ourselves from Hell.

Historically, Hell was a Babylonian (Sumerian?) concept that was only incorporated into the Jewish faith later on in its development. Before that it was Purgatory, or Sheol, or something like that, (I'll do some "refresher" research and get back to ya).

Regardless, I think the point of this babbling excuse for a paragraph was to offer argument to something I said in "My take on creation". I suggested that religion is arrogantly human-centric, as we're not worthy of the love of a super being. All we do is fuck up each other and this planet, bla bla bla... so, why would God love us?

Dumbass here, didn't quite make an effective counterpoint, but I'm going to forgive him because I'm all loving and all knowing.

You also claim that these theories are evidence-based. A theory is not evidence.

Jane, you ignorant slut... STOP TALKING ABOUT THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!

Scientific method 101 for dummies: A "theory" starts out as a hypothesis, which is kind of like an idea. Said hypothesis is based on observed and collected evidence, and is then tested over and over in an attempt to disprove it. If a hypothesis weathers objective testing, and remains consistent with newly discovered evidence, it becomes a theory, or even a principle. The Big Bang is the logical conclusion we've come to based on the evidence. It's a good example of a theory. Something like Evolution, however, is more like a principle, in that you can "put your hands on it" so to speak, you can watch it happening, etc.

Keep your fucking mouth shut about things beyond you! I am now stupider for having read your email.

There is logic, rationality, critical thinking and so on and so forth in Catholicism, only people tend not to care to look into it.

No, Catholicism has nothing to do with logic, rationality OR critical thinking. Like all religions, the whole thing is based on ancient religious texts and the individual interpretation of those texts. It's not based on evidence. For it to be evidence-based, it has to survive objective testing, which it can't.

This is hardly enough for you, but I didn't say it would be.

This is hardly enough for anybody with half a brain.

I recommend the writings of St. Thomas Aquinas.

I've read bits and pieces... and? It's the same faith-based nonsense.

You see, there were people that were by far more intelligent than people in the world today who have answered these questions.

On WHAT do you base this statement? People know a hell of a lot more nowadays than they did in antiquity, and as far as pure intelligence, I dare say we're generally smarter because our brains are stimulated at a far earlier age. Two thousand years ago, most people couldn't even read, and those that could were adults who'd had the privilege of an education. Today, fucking four year olds can read!!!

You also seem to claim that the pleasures of life come from technology in one of your ending paragraphs.

Not the "pleasures" of life, dickface, the quality of life itself.

It sure seems to me that all technology is doing is only causing more chaos, destruction and health trouble. We have certainly adapted to it as we always will to such things, but people also may have lived better than you may think without technology.

Thanks Nostradamus, but I think I'm gonna dismiss your "theories" as ass talk. We DID live without technology for tens of thousands of years, and personally, I like having toothpaste and antibiotics and food I don't have to kill first. And since you're utilizing the electronic freedom of the internet to vomit your medieval minded ideas out on an email, you can take your hypocrisy and shove it up your ass sideways.

Our society seems to be centered on temporary pleasures and simple conveniences.

When was it otherwise? Such is the nature of man.

Scientists still work to help future problems, and they're having quite a bit of trouble. Even in this age of technology, the majority of humans suffer from this or that, whether we know it or not.

Quite a bit of trouble, huh? I guess that's why AIDS is now a life long condition as opposed to a terminal one. I guess that's why the woman across the hall from me survived cancer. I guess that's why no one gets Polio anymore.

And I'm tired now.

I can assure you that I'm more exhausted than you are.

So, reply with whatever,

Thank goodness! I was only waiting for your permission.

but keep it short.

As short as you did, Ass?

I only skimmed through your stuff.

Which is why you kept sticking your foot in your mouth.

Spoken like a true Christian.

and I certainly couldn't save it even if I wanted to.

That's the first intelligent thing you've said.

For most people, only miracles can save a soul, in my opinion anyway.

Well, your opinion isn't worth the penis-scented breath it's carried on. People get "saved" everyday by Sunday school teachers, door-to-door witnesses, televangelists, and even bullshit movies like The Passion of The Christ. It don't take much because people want to be led, they need to be led, and eternal life is a pretty easy sale

I'm writing this because I am bored and mistook the "Caffeine" label for "Decaffeinated."

No need to restate your mealy-mouthed disclaimer. I read it the first time. Oh, and LOL!!! That caffeine joke was really funny!

Dork.

Uh. So, in conclusion, eat your vegetables every day or you will go to hell. Or if you don't balance the Bible on your nose while juggling bowling pins with your feet, you will go to hell. Good night. Freddy

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! STOP IT!!! * gasp * YOU'RE KILLING ME!!! * choke * I CAN'T BREATHE!!! * snort * I CAN'T BREATHE!!!

Leave the funny stuff to me, Letterman.

By the way, you joke about what will send a person to Hell, (at least, I hope you're joking), but equally silly things have been embraced by people like you for centuries. A few short millennia ago, eating meat on a Friday would get Satan's pitchfork up your ass. Baking bread on the Sabbath would do it too, so I'm not exactly sure who you're making fun of. Oh wait, it's you...

The kind of mentality expressed in this email terrifies the ever loving shit out of me. These pompous lazy bastards don't bother to find out what they're talking about, they just speak. Yesterday, I narrowly avoided a religious debate with a good natured coworker (whom I'm very fond of) who was proclaiming the validity of the movie, The Passion of The Christ. She kept saying, "People need to see it because that's the way it really happened!" She went on to cite how James Caviezel's "Jesus" stood up after his first assbeating because his mother was looking on. This prompted the Roman soldiers to beat his ass some more, this time with a cat-o-nine-tails.

"That's how it really happened!" she insisted.

"Is that biblical?" I replied.

"Uh, well, I don't know... But I know they beat Jesus beyond recognition with a cat-o-nine-tails."

Again, this is a coworker I'm very fond of, so instead of letting her have it, I spent the next hour going through the four new testament "gospels" and assembling every passage that dealt with physical cruelty being inflicted on Jesus.

(Click here to see it)

Nowhere in the gospels does it say that he was "beaten beyond recognition", nowhere does it say that he got up after his first asskicking, and nowhere does it specify that the instrument used was a cat-o-nine-tails. Despite the traumatizing viciousness depicted in The Passion of The Christ, the bible merely states that Pontius Pilate had Jesus "scourged" or "chastised". In one account, (Luke's), it's not specified that he was whipped at all. The passage (chapter 23, verses 22 - 23) implies that Pilate was GOING TO order Jesus' ass beat, but that the crowd demanded crucifixion instead.

You see how easy it is to get it wrong? People say what they want to be true, adding to their own religious sources to drive their point home to themselves and to others. Within a self-serving mindset like this, ANY ACTION can be justified, and that scares me to death.

Part of the reason for this website is to get people to stop and think. And while I've rightly made fun of "Frank" as the abominably foolish excuse for an ass-licking chump that he is, I've also given him something to ponder, (well, hopefully). Either way, I'm never just gonna sit back and tolerate this horseshit, which is why you can count on many more hate emails to come.