A few days ago, I was talking on the phone to my ex-girlfriend and Great Love of My Life (happy now, sweetie?) who I'm gonna give the fake name "Sassy" for reasons I'm not going to go into here, eventually getting into a friendly discussion about religion.  She's a Christian; I'm an Atheist- a discrepancy that actually played a part in our first break up.  Long ago, Sassy didn't see how we could be together since I wouldn't be there to share her eternal life in heaven.  Ah, but we were both much younger then, and things are different now, and if I ever settle down, it will probably be with her.

    

From some of my other stories, you might think that I verbally disembowel any followers of faith on sight if and when they dare to question my take on the supernatural; but that's not true.  Despite my veracity on the Internet, in real life I'm very tolerant of other peoples beliefs- chiefly because I once shared them- and I always debate such things in a civilized and respectful manner.

    

Anyway, Sassy's education was in the arts, so- like most people- the finer points of Biology, Chemistry, and Astrophysics are sometimes vague to her.  For this reason, she has trouble seeing my point of view:

 

"But Mike," she asked me, "if there's not a God, where did it all come from?"  ("it" being life, earth, the universe, etc.)

 

A lot of people share this hang up, so tonight, I'm gonna lay it all out in the simplest terms I can, thus imparting my take on the origins of... well, everything!   

 

Before I start, I wanna make a few things very, very clear.  One, this will probably not be funny, so while my irrepressible humor might come into play from time to time, don't expect to laugh. 

 

Two, I'm versed in a host of varying scientific disciplines, yet, I don't claim to be a true expert in any of 'em, so if I make a mistake about a certain minuscule detail, don't email me with something like, "Ah HAAAA!!!  You're wrong, Mike!  OXYGEN is the final electron acceptor in the Kreb's Cycle!!!".

 

I welcome any additional information, but don't try to nit pick me.  I'm just giving a laymen's overview here; not a university style research paper.  Anything I say can be easily backed up with but a minimal amount of research on YOUR part, my reader, and- unless you're schooled in such things- most of the details would be boring and indistinguishable anyway.

 

Finally, this will NOT be an attack on religion.  I already did that in my rant, "Why I'm an atheist", so don't stop reading just because you think I'm about to blast your particular collection of dogmas.

 

Okey dokey...  Let's start with how the universe got here.

 

At this time, we've pretty much determined that there's a set amount of matter and energy in the universe.  While the universe itself is infinite with respect to space, it contains a finite amount of stuff within.  This is based on the principle that matter and energy are interchangeable, and that neither can be created nor destroyed.

 

Allow me to hamstring one of the opposing arguments right up front, the one where people ask, "Okay, so where did all of this stuff come from?".  Well, that's like asking where God came from.  As far as we know, the matter/energy in the universe has always been there, kinda like people of faith maintain that God has always been there.  No beginning, no end.

 

Moving on...

 

According to the laws of molecular attraction, (and others), every particle of matter/energy in the universe, is attracted to every other particle of matter/energy in the universe.  In the simplest terms, this is why we have gravity. 

 

Right now, every particle in your body is being pulled towards every other particle in the universe.  Since the earth is much larger and closer to "you", you're being pulled towards our planet with a much greater force than it's being pulled towards you.  The greater the mass of a certain object, the greater the attractive force said object exerts on anything near it, (kind of). 

 

In kindergarten-speak, this is why the earth isn't pulled out of orbit when we send people into space.  This is why the sun doesn't rotate around the earth.  This is why the Milky Way galaxy doesn't rotate around the sun.  Again, the greater the mass of the object, the greater its pull on objects of smaller mass.

 

This may seem like a readily observable fact, but I'm taking baby steps here to make sure ANYBODY can follow along.

 

Okay, so, once more, every particle of stuff in the universe is attracted to every other particle of stuff in the universe.  Logically, this would eventually lead to a kind of implosion, where everything would converge on a single, centralized point in space until what you had was a giant ball of stuff.

 

Guess what...  That's exactly right!

 

Everything- and I mean EVERYTHING- comes together and folds in on itself, thus forming this "giant ball" or "singularity".  The attractive forces in this singularity are immense, and almost beyond human comprehension.

 

To site a small scale example, when a star burns out and collapses in on itself, it's so tightly packed that a single teaspoon of the stuff inside it would weight more than the earth itself, (relative to earth gravity, of course).  Keep in mind, there's a lot of space between the protons, neutrons, and electrons that make up everything, and that that space can be compacted so that size and mass are not always the same. 

 

Think about astronauts in space.  In zero gravity, the compacting pressures on their bodies are much less, so they get taller.  The opposite is true of deep-sea divers when they go way down into the ocean where the pressure is greater.  Their bodies get compacted.

 

The above is a really childish example, but it's easy to follow, so I'm gonna use it.

 

Getting back to the universe...

 

Eventually, all this stuff compacts like a deep-sea diver's body, (becoming the "singularity" I mentioned earlier), until the incalculable attractive forces get so monstrously immense, that said singularity explodes.

 

Again, this is the kindergartner's version, so if any Astrophysicists wanna email in with more detail, I'll be happy to post it, (not that I actually think Astrophysicists read my site).

 

BOOM!!!  All the matter/energy in the universe explodes outwards, sending particles in every direction with more inertial force than we have the mathematical numbers to quantify.

 

This is the "Big Bang" of the Big Bang Theory, and while it's a creative force with respect to our insignificant species, it has NOTHING to do with us, nor is it a conclusive event.  Our existence isn't even a microsecond in the grand scheme of things, because this happens again and again over unfathomable spans of time. 

 

Ah, but we'll get to the miniscule observers of this phenomenon (humanity) in a moment.

 

So, BOOM!!!  All the matter/energy in the universe is sent hurtling away from the central point upon which it'd previously converged, inertia temporarily overcoming the all-powerful forces of molecular attraction.

 

Light a firecracker in your hand.  BOOM!!!  The bits of paper, wad, and gunpowder go everywhere.  THAT'S what happens, (and will some day happen again), during the Big Bang.

 

The laws of inertia state that an object in motion will remain in motion until acted on by an outside force.  Well, regardless of the explosion and resulting inertia that blasted said singularity apart, molecular attraction is still in play, so bits of matter eventually start to come back together. 

 

Granted, while the sum total is still flying away and out from its original converging point, (at this time), there are pieces that drift back and "congeal", subsequently forming planets and stars and moons and comets and all manner of celestial bodies. 

 

The congealing of these particles is totally random, which is why the elemental composition of Earth is so different from that of Jupiter, or Mars, or the fabled, Planet X.

 

I'm gonna fast forward trillions of eons here and tell you how this story ends.  Right now, all the matter/energy in the universe is still flying outwards because of the forces of inertia.  The rate at which it's flying outwards is slowing down though, and someday, it will dwindle to a halt, stop, and then reverse; molecular attraction eventually overcoming the inertia of the Big Bang to bring everything back together.

 

Have you ever watched a submarine movie like "The Hunt for Red October" or "U-571"?  If you have, then you've no doubt seen images of depth charges exploding under water.  There's a big outward swelling in the shape of a sphere, and then water pressure pushes everything back together. 

 

That's exactly how the Big Bang works.  Over huge amounts of time, the universe explodes, travels out, slows down, reverses, compacts, implodes, and then explodes again.  It's impossible for us to know how many times this process has occurred, so we could be living in the first "version" of the universe, or the twenty thousandth. 

 

This process takes quite a while, obviously, and it's totally random.  Now, said randomness is a concept that Intelligent Design proponents scoff because of the statistical improbability of life occurring from such a chaotic event.  Hey!  I agree, it IS improbable...  MINDBOGGLINGLY improbable, which is why within a present day universe of infinite solar systems, earth appears to be the only one with intelligent life.

 

I promised myself that I wasn't gonna blast religion in this rant, but, if we were created by an omnipresent God, (or group of Gods, depending on your faith), doesn't it seem a bit wasteful for us to be the only ones out there?

 

It certainly does, given what we know now. 

 

But ancient man had no idea that the earth was but a comparatively microscopic part of the whole, and therefore, why wouldn't he have assumed that we were "the shit"? 

 

The writers of the Bible, and the Koran, and the Iliad, and the Torah, no doubt perceived us to be the divinely intended masters of creation.  Hell, they didn't know any better. 

 

They couldn't have known that the earth was round.  They couldn't have known that our planet orbited the sun, (instead of visa versa).  They couldn't have known that the stars are far more than just pinholes in the curtain of night.  And yet, many of us still cling to the so-called wisdom of our savage and ignorant ancestors, dismissing evidenced-based fact in light of "Ala Kazam!" -based superstitions that are, admittedly, easier to understand.

 

Woops!  I'm getting ahead of myself.  Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

 

So, as molecular attraction battled inertia to form EVERYTHING- including what you see when you look up into the twilight sky- a host of other truly random events conspired to bring together the right (yet fittingly improbable) assemblage of elemental particles.  Amidst trillions upon trillions of stars, amidst trillions upon trillions of resulting solar systems, our little planet hit the jackpot in a far corner of a pedestrian-sized galaxy we call the Milky Way.  

 

As a hodgepodge mesh of iron, nickel, sulfur, silicone, nitrogen, hydrogen, oxygen, and a host of other elements- the most important being carbon- our beloved "engine that could" of a rock came together.  Again, it was totally random, for earth accidentally boasted an elemental composition and spatial distance from its nearest star that made it the mack daddy of celestial bodies.

 

Earth hit the super ball lottery, and with an even greater statistical disadvantage than most of the trailer park dumbasses that blow their pay checks in the riverboat casinos of my homeland.

 

It certainly wasn't all fun and games though, for there was still a lot that had to happen before life could have a chance. 

 

We're talking exclusively about earth now, and I'm gonna skim a bit to focus on the formation of water beneath a volatile atmosphere, said factors later leading to what we know as life.  Having four possible venues for electron bonding, the abundant element carbon provided the backdrop for atomic experimentation, eventually giving rise to organic molecules, which eventually gave rise to amino acids, which eventually gave rise to proteins, which eventually gave rise to bla, bla bla, bla bla...

 

The details are complex but nonetheless accessible on the Internet, so I won't go into them here.  The point is- much like the alignment of matter/energy itself- these things came together randomly and improbably, yet soon gave rise to stand alone organelles that would eventually form single-celled organisms in the primordial soup. 

 

I wanna take a moment to emphasize just how random and improbable this culmination of factors was.  Again, there were and are trillions of solar systems with trillions of planets that this COULD'VE happened on.  But it happened on Earth; it happened to us (ostensibly) and in much the same way that Bubba Joe Lee from Hot Coffee, Mississippi won the lottery.  Yes, the odds against Bubba Joe were millions to one, and yet, he called "BINGO!".

 

It's totally random, but it happens.

 

You see?  It's the improbability that you have to get over.  You think our fictional Bubba Joe ever thought he'd go from living in a hovel and eating Spam out of a can, to living in Beverly Hills and eating wine-marinated chicken at Spagos? 

 

HEEELL NO!!!  But that's what randomness is... one chance in a billion.  And while it's hard at first to attribute randomness to the formation of the universe, or our planet, or the building blocks of life, etc... sometimes lightning does indeed strike, (and I find my own use of that metaphor funny, since some scientists maintain that the presence of electricity in earth's early atmosphere greatly contributed to the formation of organic molecules).

 

Hee, Hee...

 

Let's skip some more and get right to the second heart of the matter: Evolution.

 

Despite what you may have learned in Sunday school, my readers, Evolution is a bonified fact.  While some may argue about the mechanical idiosyncrasies involved, I can take you into a lab and SHOW you Evolution taking place, (a lot of my graduate work was in this field; experiments with rapidly reproducing Fruit Flies providing hard evidence for what I already knew to be true).

 

Regardless, more people take offense to Evolution than any other scientific principle, (though said people will rush their loved ones to an emergency room to benefit from medical science anytime they have need of it).  In America, this opposition is largely born from a need to believe in the biblical creation story of Genesis- which is so absurd, that I'm gonna try to explain Evolution itself in lieu of stating the reasons that Genesis is garden variety mythology.

 

Evolution is one of the simplest, yet categorically misunderstood mechanisms in the scientific world today.  Most laymen discount it because they think it states that we came from apes, which is semantically true in one respect, but ludicrously irrelevant in most others.

 

Our species, Homo sapiens, didn't "come" from apes, at least no more than modern day Pugs came from North American Coyotes, (yet they're both dogs, right?).

 

It doesn't work like that, which is why so many people scoff at the general principle. 

 

To explain via the simplest scenario I can bring to mind, I'm gonna use giraffes.  Giraffes have long necks.  Why?  So they can reach the elevated leaves in the trees from which they feed, i.e., they grew longer necks because they needed em, right? 

 

Wrong.

 

The relationship between neck length and leaf height is NOT one of cause and effect, per say.  No, it's one of random mutative advantage coupled with statistical probability over time in a specific environment. 

 

That's a pretty big sentence, huh?  Well, lemme' break it down.

 

Genetic mutation is the key to evolution, and it's just as random as everything else.  Whenever any one of your cells divides, (whether it's to repair the cut on your finger as an adult, or to differentiate a bone marrow cell from a heart muscle cell when you're a fetus in your mother's womb), the nucleic material in said cell is split right down the middle.  This nucleic material- A.K.A., the double helix of DNA- is like a ladder someone chopped in half with an axe.  One half of that ladder stays within the originating cell, (the one that's splitting), and the other half goes into the new cell.  Both halves are then reformed by individual amino acid molecules that join the rungs one by one until the ladder is whole again.  Each completed ladder holds the entire blue print for the organism it's a part of.

 

To illustrate that last statement, this is why we can now clone an entire organism from but a single cell.

 

Okey dokey...  But sometimes the halves of the ladder don't come back together exactly right, and mutation results.  A single mutation usually isn't a big deal, but every once in a while, a mutation (or a group of mutations) changes enough of the blue print to alter the entire organism.  The most observable evidence of this manifests itself as birth defects, which are examples of what I'm gonna call "bad" mutations, (this takes into consideration both natural genetic mutation, and mutation caused by outside factors). 

 

During the thousands of years before human technology advanced to the point where we could treat individuals with "bad" mutations, said individuals usually died off, thus preventing their accompanying mutations from being passed on through their offspring. 

 

It's a hell of a lot more complicated than that, and I didn't mean to switch from giraffes to humans, but let's roll with this for just a moment.

 

Now, when I say "bad" mutations, I mean anything that hinders an individual's chances of survival- or more importantly, an individual's chances to reproduce, and thus pass on its genetic material.  In the context of Evolution, survival is only relevant if the individual lives long enough produce offspring.

 

Take my brother Eric, for example.  Eric was born with poor vision; so poor, in fact, that he was classified as legally blind.  Thanks to science, Eric was able to overcome this disadvantage by glasses, and then by contacts, and eventually by LASIK surgery.  But back in ancient times, Eric's eyes would've greatly decreased his chances for reproductive survival.  He couldn't have hunted or gathered or avoided predators without help, and thus would've probably died.  Even if he HAD survived to puberty, his handicap would've hindered his chances for reproduction, (after all, what tribal female would want to take such an individual as her mate?).

 

I'm not saying it COULDN'T have happened, cause Eric's a pretty good looking guy, but the statistical probably of him reproducing would've been far less than that of an equally handsome male with perfect vision.  Said statistical probably is at the heart of Evolution, but we'll get to that. 

 

So we've touched on "bad" mutations, but there are two other kinds: "neutral" mutations, and "good" mutations.  Neutral mutations don't really affect the relevant individual's chances of reproductive success WITH RESPECT TO HIS OR HER ENVIRONMENT, so they may or may not get passed on. 

 

Let's say a guy sports a mutation that gives him residual gills behind his ears, like Kevin Costner in the movie "Waterworld".  Since most of the earth's human population lives on land, this mutation really wouldn't matter either way, (as long as it didn't taint his cosmetic appearance/appeal to females).  Other modern day examples of neutral mutations include eye color, or attached earlobes, or the ability to roll your tongue.  They neither help nor hinder reproductive success within a certain environment, so they're passed on or not without implication.

 

But let's say the polar ice caps melt, and we suddenly find ourselves actually living in Waterworld.  In that case, Kevin Costner's gills would give him a markedly profound advantage in the venue of survival, and thus, he'd have a greater statistical probability of living long enough to pass on his genes.

 

This is now an example of a "good" mutation, and it's become so only in light of the environment in which Kevin Costner lives.  The environment part is everything, and I wanna elaborate just a little more before I move on.

 

Okay, so, I have light skin.  I can get a really good tan if I'm out in the sun enough, but my natural pigments are best suited for a cooler climate.  Let's say I move to Africa, and it's ten thousand years ago.  There's no such thing as sun block, so while I may tan, my environment puts me at a statistical disadvantage compared to the indigenous Africans who boast darker pigments.  I'm at a higher risk of skin cancer, dehydration, and sunstroke. 

 

Practically, that doesn't matter because the guy writing this post is well past the age of sexual maturity, and I'm pretty healthy.  But, what if I'd grown up in Africa ten thousand years ago?  Again, my light skin would've given me less of a chance to survive to puberty and reproduce, (at least much less than my native black homies).  Contrastingly, the "brothas" are better suited to their hot, sweltering environment, so they're statistically more likely to pass on their genes.

 

It's all about statistical probability, but here's where it gets tricky, so let's get back to giraffes.

 

Millions of years ago, giraffes were more like modern day horses, and they grazed as such.  Let's imagine there's a group of these horse-giraffes living in the African veldt, and that one of 'em is born with a mutation that manifests itself as a slightly elongated neck.  For simplicity's sake, were gonna call this lucky guy "Norman", and Norman's herd feeds in a oasis-birthed grove with lots of trees. 

 

While barely noticeable, (not unlike the difference between a guy who's five nine, and a guy who's five ten), Norman's manifested mutation gives him a slightly greater advantage with respect to survival.  He can get to the leaves that are just out of reach of his buddies, and so, Norman eats more, is healthier, and has less of a chance of starving to death.  That advantage allows him a greater statistical probability of living to reproduce and pass on his "long neck" mutation.  Norman's descendants, (at least those in whom the mutation manifests itself again), share this advantage, and his bloodline prospers, perhaps at the expense of those with regular-sized necks.

 

Over tens of thousands of years, Norman's descendants will, statistically, thrive and reproduce until ALL OF THE HERD share said advantage.  With respect to their specific environment, they have a trump card, and those they pass it on to, survive; while those that miss out, perish.  

 

That's all Evolution is, people.  It's just that simple, just that random.

 

You see, Norman and his descendants didn't evolve longer necks because their environment demanded it.  They didn't think to themselves, "Man, those leaves are really high...  Hey!  Lets grow longer necks!"

 

No.  Norman and his descendants just happened to enjoy a random mutation that just happened to be suited to their environment.  If the reverse had been true, had Norman manifested a mutation that gave him a slightly shorter neck, he would've been at a DISadvantage, and thus, all his regular-necked buddies would've prospered instead.

 

Individuals don't evolve; populations do.  That's why it takes so freaking long.  That's why it's so random and so hard to grasp.  Yet, you see it all around you.  You see it in every living organism that survives today, even ourselves.  Those species you DON'T see, are the ones that didn't make it, the ones that blind fate condemned, the ones that were pushed out because they just happened to lack the one in a million idiosyncrasy that gave 'em the trump card.

 

These little trump cards amount to big changes over time, until you've got entirely new species, entirely new Normans- all adapting millennia to millennia based on the circumstances they're exposed to.

 

In a nutshell, Evolution is directed adaptation to a population's environment based on statistical probability of advantageous mutation.  And when I say, "directed", I'm not talking about a divine architect, I'm talking about natural selection.

 

It seems impossible in one respect, blatantly simple in another.  This misunderstood paradox is why so many of us cant "deal" with Evolution.  It's easier for us to say, "Naw, that's too hard.  How bout instead we just say that there's a super being we cant see, and that one day, he simply willed all this into existence?".

 

Okay, fine.  If you wanna believe in a God, so be it.  But at least give him the fucking credit he deserves!!!  Is it truly worship to state that God uttered a few words and POOF!!! there was life?  No, that's childish and primitive and not worthy of a supreme being.  A far greater testament is to say that God set up a few, vastly affecting principles like molecular attraction and inertia, and then put them into play, knowing- in his infinite wisdom- that creation most splendid would result.  What's even more impressive, is that God knew that one of his little wonders would grow in intelligence until they were able to observe, record, dissect, and investigate the true scope of his power.  THAT'S worship, people!  THAT'S praise!  THAT'S an admirable return on God's investment, one that makes us miniscule humans worthy to be aware of his presence.

 

To the medieval minded naysayers, I'd have to ask what else you think could possibly make us worthy of God's salvation, or even his notice?  Is it our constant viciousness?  Our constant persecution of each other?  Our constant warmongering?  Our constant destruction of this planet?  No, it's our "God given" intelligence, our "God given" ability to perceive the world around us- and the culmination of such- that makes us worthy.

 

How arrogant we are to speak for God, how presumptive, how boastful of our nonexistent merits.  Oh, "God wants to save us because he loves us?"  WHY?!?  Why would he love us?  What do we do that warrants that love?  What gives us the right to put ourselves above all things?

 

You can ponder these questions for yourself, my reader, all the while continuing your futile campaigns of ignorant assimilation in the name of whatever diety you believe in.  Now, I personally don't believe in a God; but if I'm wrong, I have a feeling that questioning souls like mine will glean his favor far more than the so-called righteous.

 

Spirituality is not the answer; and for the sole reason that none of us can agree on what spirituality is.  Logic, rationality, objectivity, critical thinking, science... these are the things that have and will continue to further our species.  These things are non-partisan and evidence-based and available to anyone.  These things separate individual truth from empirical fact.

 

Remember that the next time you drink clean water from the tap, or buy nutritious food at the grocery store, or drive to work in your car, or take your kids to get vaccinated, or recover from cancer because of chemotherapy, or send me hate mail over an electronic medium.  Arrogant, human-centered superstitions didn't provide you with these luxuries; technology did, and I've written this post tonight in hopes that the mysterious world of science will be a little bit closer to you in the morning. 

 

Moreover, despite my own brand of egotistical arrogance, maybe my take on things will give you the freedom of unbiased comprehension I've come to both loathe and love.

 

Sleep tight, my four loyal readers.

 

-Mike