Living in the south, (and this applies to both Mississippi and North Carolina), I often find myself confronted/accosted/engaged by religious people. Christians are the most prevalent, and by far the most aggressive, and while I try to avoid doing verbal battle with them, the audacity of these zealots usually requires me to defend my position as an atheist.

Now, one of the questions I get a lot is, * gasp * "How can you not be a Christian?!?"  To this I usually gasp right back and say, "How can you not be a Buddhist?!?"  Or, "How can you not believe in God?!?"  To which I reply, "How can you not believe in Thor and his mighty storm hammer?!?

Sarcastic, I know, but a perfectly logical argumentative analogy. Alas, it doesn't always get my point across because most people are stupid, and I have to try to explain in baby talk why I don't believe in their "one true god" anymore than I believe in Santa Clause. I've heard the following quote attributed to both Mark Twain and Steven F. Roberts, but it sums up my dilemma perfectly:

"We're all atheists, I just believe in one less god than you do. Once you understand why you dismiss all the other worshipped deities, you'll understand why I dismiss yours."

This, to me, says it all. Yet I'm constantly amazed how "people of faith" can stubbornly shake their heads and insist that they are right and everybody else is wrong.  I'm even more amazed at the resistance I get when I try to explain my own position as an atheist, and that's why I'm writing up this post.  I will explain why I believe the way I do, and once it's finished, I'm going to have business cards done up that have my name and "Why I'm an atheist" written on them, along with the link to this page.  The scenario would play out like this:

Presumptive Christian: "Hey Mike, we're collecting donations for that Saint Dipshit Baptist Church. It's for a youth retreat where Billy Graham is going to give a lecture. Wanna help us out?"

Annoyed Mike: "Thanks for asking, but no."

Presumptive Christian: "Come on, Mike. Just whatever change you've got on ya. Don't you want these kids to hear the word of Christ?"

Annoyed Mike: "Not really, I'm an atheist, so spreading the word of Christ is not very high up on my agenda."

Presumptive Christian: (gasping in shock, horror, and pity) "How can you be an atheist?!?"

Annoyed Mike: (handing over a "why I'm an atheist" card) "Here's why. Check it out. If you still have questions after reading that site, I'll be happy to answer them. Until then, leave me alone or I'm gonna kick you in the genitals as hard as I can."

Just that simple.  In fact, I'm actually getting excited just thinking about it.  

Anyway, let's start with a little history:

I was raised Christian from birth, though I can't really tell you what denomination I was because we moved from church to church quite frequently.  I remember a few though: Lutheran, Baptist, Methodist, Church of Christ, Assembly of God, and I also went to a couple of Catholic sermons with my buddy Rob Thomas, but that was later in college.

By the way, bringing infants and/or prepubescent children to "adult" church is a total waste of time.  They're too young to get anything out of it, and all they do is make their parents look bad.  My brother and I were often reprimanded for climbing under the pews, and passing notes, and doing everything BUT listening to the preacher.

Were we undisciplined or disrespectful?  No, we were KIDS!!!

So this continued until I was about nine or ten, when I started adamantly protesting my attendance at church.  For a kid with a mind like mine, (probably ADD), it was absolute torture.  I mean, the tediousness of sitting there minute after grueling minute instilled in me a healthy hatred for church, and I vowed- at the ripe old age of ten- that I would never subject my children to this kind of abuse.

All that changed when I turned twelve and discovered girls.

The church was the perfect place to meet the opposite sex, and thus develop social skills I might not have otherwise gotten.  You see, I was very shy when I was younger, and it's easy to remain anonymous in grade school.  Not so in church- or rather, youth group.  The "classes" are much smaller, and- in my case anyway- we were often subjected to round table discussions about the bible.  Youth leaders DEMANDED that I share my opinions, and I did, my sense of humor already manifesting itself.

Suddenly, I couldn't get enough of church, especially when I started dating my first girlfriend, Christy Huggins.  (On a side note, Christy pushed me down the church steps for fun one time, and gave me a broken arm. Thanks, bitch!)  I went on Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, Wednesday nights, and any other days when extracurricular functions presented themselves.  I went to Christian camps every summer, and more youth retreats than I can remember.

Keep in mind, this was initially on account of the girls, (I did it all for the nooky), but then a strange thing started to happen.  I started picking up bits and pieces of the actual "religion" part.  Not so surprising, really.  I have a photographic memory, and after being exposed to story after story, study after study, lesson after lesson, I found myself unconsciously thinking about and dissecting the concepts of God and faith.

What gradually came after was stark, naked terror.  I was horrified and confused by the concept of Hell.  Not only did I not want to burn for all eternity, the fate of billions upon billions of human beings that had come before me was abominably unfair.

I was taught that the only way to keep from burning in Hell was to accept Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior.  Thus, my immediate question was, What about all those that never heard of Jesus?!?  What about the tribes of Africa and South America who have never seen a white man?!?  What about those that lived before Jesus?!?  What about those that died before they could hear about Jesus?!?

The pity I felt for the human race was indescribable, chiefly because I was mad at God for setting things up this way.  Because of original sin, uncountable souls who NEVER HAD A CHANCE were now roasting in lakes of fire, their agony everlasting and inescapable.  I cried for those people, I lay awake in bed at night and wept for the injustice, and I spent my days in fear because I knew I was going to Hell too.  How could I not?  I was daring to question God's plan, wasn't I?  A twelve year old boy with the audacity to condemn the great creator.

Yep, I was fucked, and the whole, "just ask Jesus to come into your heart" thing wasn't helping either.  I BEGGED Jesus to come into my heart, I prayed and prayed for him, I lived as I thought I should, but never was there any "moment of peace and enlightenment" where I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit descend.  Never did I feel anything.  Never did I suddenly know I was saved.

Even then, I was incapable of deceiving myself.

Other people do this easily.  They live their entire lives under ridiculous notions about whom and what they are.  Case in point, have you ever met somebody who says, "I'm a good person!"?  This statement is usually preceded by some form of self pity.  For example:

"I don't understand! Why is this happening to me?!? I'm a good person!!!"

The fuck you are.  A "good" person probably doesn't know they're good.  In fact, I can count the number of truly selfless people I've met in my life on a hand's worth of fingers, and NONE OF THEM would ever sobbingly insist that they are "good".

Let me just stop here and say that the concepts of "good" and "evil" are total horseshit.  They're perspectives, and they change from person to person.  There are some concepts that are more universal than others, like, say, not killing somebody.  Yet it still depends on the culture, and your individual perspective.

In times past, it was perfectly acceptable to kill somebody under certain circumstances.  It still is, by the way.  A year or so ago, I got my hands on some war footage from the turret-mounted camera of an Apache helicopter.  Via the miracle of night vision, I got to see and hear the Apache pilot and gunner track, target, and obliterate four separate Iraqis on the ground hundreds of yards away.  They didn't just shoot 'em, they unleashed hundreds of rounds into each person, effectively blowing them apart.

This used to be the link, but it’s no longer valid: http://mysite.verizon.net/res21gdj/Helicopter.mpeg

I don’t agree with the U.S. fucking everybody up, but I support our troops one hundred percent, mainly because it takes courage to step out onto the battlefield knowing you might be called upon to die for your country.  Wow! That's bravery, people.

Regardless, I'm using the above example to show that the concepts of "good" and "evil" are not absolute.  Killing is usually thought of as "evil", yet here it's a necessary and ACCEPTABLE means to an end.  From the perspective of the pilot and gunner, what they're doing is "good".  They are fighting not only to eradicate terrorism, but also to protect their country and their way of life.

Now, let's look at the Iraqis' point of view.  To them, the Americans are "evil", and they themselves are "good".  After all, are the Iraqis not also fighting against what they perceive to be terrorism on our part?  Are they not also fighting to protect their country and their way of life?  Yes, they are, so once again "good" and "evil" are all in the eyes of the beholder.

The Iraqis' stance on just about anything is a good example of how religion drives people to fanatical acts of abhorred destruction, and while Christians are as historically guilty of this as Moslems, I'm not gonna talk about that right now.

The "good and evil" thing was just to show that there's no such absolute, which is why when somebody tells you they're a "good" person, their usually a self-pitying, self-deceiving, sack of shit that holds themselves in much higher regard than anybody else.  Think about it.  By pointing out that they're "good", they imply that being good is a rare or noble trait.  Thus, such a person thinks they're better than all those other people who are not good.

Ever think of it that way before?  No?  Then send me money for educating you!

Getting back to my own development, I was incapable of deceiving myself.  I was incapable of saying that I was a "good" person, and for the same reason, I couldn't deceive myself into believing that Jesus had ACTUALLY come into my heart.  I asked him over and over to be my personal lord and savior, but I didn't feel any different.  I didn't have one of those spiritual epiphanies so many others bragged about.  I never heard Jesus say, "Yes".

I knew I was going to Hell, and what a horrible thing for a twelve year old kid to deal with.  ß Insert my own self pity here.

For the record, I do NOT consider myself a good person.  Yes, I try to act with honor, I try not to be needlessly cruel, (in real life anyway), and I have never harmed a woman nor a child.  Yes, I do practice random acts of kindness when I can, but only because I like to make people happy, I like to make them smile, I like to make them like me.  Still, in the grand scheme of things, I am as selfish and self-serving as 99% of the people on this planet.  The only difference is, I know it, and I accept it as who I am.

Contrastingly, if you ever hear me talk about someone who is "good", what I mean is someone who is the exact opposite of me.

Good = Selfless.

Okay, so I'm twelve years old, I'm going to Hell, and I'm scared to death about it.  This presented a problem for me- an opponent, if you will- and opposition is the one thing that has always driven me to excel.

I started to study, I started to learn, I started to dissect.  If God wasn't gonna come to me, I was gonna go to him. I was gonna seek him out in his word, find out exactly what I had to do to keep from burning in Hell, and then do it.

The Devil wasn't gonna get me without a fight!

This "fight" manifested itself in a lot of ways, some good, some bad, but I really wasn't old enough to know how to research effectively.  I stumbled around in the bible, I listened to my parents, I listened to various preachers and various other Christians, slowly coming to realize that nobody had these hang-ups but me.  It appeared that I was the only one going to Hell, and so righteous was everybody else, that they couldn't begin to fathom my lack of salvation.

I got this one a lot:

"Ah, Michael, there's a peace with the Lord that passes all understanding.  You just have to ask Jesus into your heart."

"I have!" I'd protest, "I've done it over and over, but nothing happens!"

"Well, then, you're not being honest.  You don't truly wanna be saved."

"But I do!!!" I'd continue, "Please!!! I don't wanna burn!!!  I wanna be saved!!!  Like everybody else!!!  Just tell me what I'm doing wrong!!!"

"You must have faith!"

"I do!!!  I do, have faith!!!  I truly believe in God and Jesus!!!"

"Obviously you don't, or they would make themselves known to you."

...I had to stop just now and calm down for a minute.  When I think of all the blinded motherfuckers out there who answered my concerns with some variant of the above diatribe, I wanna track 'em down one by one and beat the ever-loving fuck outta them.  In fact, my greatest fantasy is to go back to when I was twelve years old, but knowing all that I know now, (assbeating abilities included).  Oh, the sweet, delicious thought of it...

Unfortunately, there's no way I can ever go back, and even if I could, the sad, simple fact of the matter is that I can't change people.  For those that believe, logic, reason, and even the story of my own departure from those same beliefs, are ineffectual.  It's a journey one has to make for themselves, and not everybody has the ability to make it.

Belief in the supernatural is largely, (though often subconsciously), based on a fear of death.  People take comfort in their faith, they are soothed by the thought of heaven, and when people in their lives pass away, it's much easier to reconcile if they're not truly gone, but in a "better place".  That's why I have to constantly remind myself that it's not their fault, and that I have no right to wage war against them.  They have the luxury of self-deception, they have the luxury of truly believing in gods, and angels, and ESP, and talking to the dead, and that the ghosts of loved ones are watching over them.  It's a great way to live when you think about it, and I envy most people their superstitions.

Again, though, not an option of me...

Alright, so my "fight" not to burn in Hell proceeded somewhat randomly until I got to be about fifteen.  I was having huge arguments with my super-religious parents by that time; and- for reasons cited above- they simply did not have the ability to see where I was coming from.  The same is still true today.

That's about the time I decided to stop dicking around and read the bible cover to cover.  I don't remember how long it took me, but I'm sure it was a while.  Eventually though, I got through the entire King James version of the Holy Bible, and something changed in me.  It was a very gradual progression, one that came to completion around age eighteen.

I was not afraid of Hell anymore; in fact, I no longer believed it existed.

More than that, the bible was so full of contradictory passages and obvious mythology that I no longer believed in it ether.  Now, I get people all the time vehemently denying that the bible contradicts itself, so I'll include a short list of contradictions with scripture and verse courtesy of the website below:

http://www.infidels.org/library/modern/jim_meritt/bible-contradictions.html#good_to_all

I wish I could remember the exact moment I realized that I was no longer a prisoner, except that I don't think there was one exact moment.  As I said before, it was very gradual, very subtle, each dogma falling apart one by one.  I know this, however, part of it had to do with the first time I had sex.  Like religion, sex was an intangible, illusive thing, and when I finally understood it, I wondered what all the hype was about.

I was all, "Is this it?!?  THIS is sex?!?  Yeah, I like it, but, it's not the end all be all..."

It's hard to explain the connection I made between the loss of my virginity and the loss of my faith, but maybe it was the dissolution of two childish ideas.  Sex, for me, had been a titanic and cataclysmic event, one on par with birth and death.  After I actually had it, however, I realized it wasn't that big of a deal; in fact, I can’t tell you who I lost my virginity to.  It was some girl at a college in Arkansas, but I don't remember her name.  We had a one night stand, and then she left in the morning.  I couldn't pick her out of a police line up if my life depended on it.

Moving on...

So college was a great time for me, as I made new friends and explored new social situations.  I majored in Biology / minored in Chemistry, and though I never made a career of my chosen field, my scientific education is the reason I became who I am.  Before, I had detected the contradictions in religion without a set, definable means to evaluate or quantify them.  Science gave me the means, not to mention explaining a lot of discrepancies that had previously baffled me.

For example, if Adam and Eve were the first two people on earth, and they had two sons, (one of which was murdered), where did the rest of us come from?  Enter Evolution, one of the first concepts I learned in freshman biology.

What a miracle!  What a revelation!  It would take me years to genuinely understand Evolution, but the premise was so simple, so blatantly obvious.  How could I not have seen it before?!? Why wasn't I Darwin?!?

I don't want this to turn into an Evolution vs. Creation debate, because there's no debate.  Evolution is science, Creation is myth.  That's all there is to it.  I heard somewhere that there's more hard, empirical evidence for the mechanics of Evolution than there are for the mechanics of gravity.  Not to mention that I can TAKE YOU into a lab and SHOW YOU evolution occurring with any kind of rapidly reproducing species, like Drosophilae Flies.

It's not a theory, people.  It's what happens.  So don't email with a bunch of pseudo-science to the contrary.  I've heard it all a thousand times before.

Okay, so the more I delved into the various fields of science, the more I became interested in other religions.  I was not yet an atheist, but more of an agnostic: I believed in something, but I wasn't sure what.  For example, I still thought I had a soul, which seemed reasonable in the context of it being energy, (energy can't be created nor destroyed, right?  So why couldn't there be a part of our conscious selves that goes on?).

REGARDLESS, I wasn't gonna be taken in again by nonsense, so I read about various faiths with an almost emotionless rationality.  The Zen part of Zen Buddhism really appealed to me, but again, you run into blatant mythology.  I liked the Jewish faith a lot, and still do, though I put an equally nonexistent amount of stock in it.  Islam was a surprise, for it doesn't seem to be as violent a religion as popular culture leads us to believe, but I guess with anything in this venue, there will always be fanatics.  Didn't look much into Hindu, but I was exposed to the Japanese faith of Shinto during a summer trip to that country.  Voodoo is cool, utter horseshit, but fascinating in that it seems to blend a variety of things.  And, of course, I looked into ancient religions, specifically the mythology of Greece and Rome.

Nothing appealed to me until I started dabbling in Wicca.  Wicca is modern day witchcraft, which deals largely with the worship of nature.  I liked it because there wasn't as much an emphasis on good and evil, but more on harmony and chaos.  That seemed MUCH closer to the way things work in nature: an eternal balance.  Alas, a big part of it was casting spells and actually doing magic, so I left it behind.

I graduated from college in 1996 with a degree in what was basically "Pre-Med" at the time, then to work for a few years before going back to get my Master's in Biology Education.  Not much happened to me on the religious front during those middle years.  I still wanted to believe in SOMETHING, but so far, no go.  The Church of Scientology was always in the back of my mind, but I never got around to looking into it.  The words "church" and "science" shouldn't be used in the same sentence, and I suspected- perhaps ignorantly- that it was an attempt to lure Hollywood celebrities into parting with their money.

A few years later, I saw a show called "Crossing Over" with John Edwards, and I was shocked.  I had no experience in the production of television, and I figured that there HAD to be laws that prevented a blatant fraud from making serious claims that he could talk to the dead.  As such, it never occurred to me that the show might be edited to show results that were not genuine.  I'd also never heard of cold reading, so it looked to me as if John Edwards was actually talking to the dead.

Now THAT, I could get into!!!  And largely because he didn't make any religious connections.  The premise was, dead people lingered, and could communicate with us, which said to me that a part of their consciousness remained.  John cleverly kept from making references to the Christian Heaven or Hell, instead using words like, "from beyond", and, "the other side", and of course, "crossing over."

Clever, clever man.  I took the bait hook, line, and sinker, chiefly because John was so vague about the SEMANTICS of what happens after you die.  It was almost as if he simply didn't know, (like me), and made no claim to know.  All he was saying was that dead people still existed in some form or another, and that he could talk to them.

Clever, clever man...

Based on this one show, I began to rethink my views of the supernatural.  It's not that I was stupid, I was just ignorant, and the idea of life after death fit right into my agnostic belief structure.  Unfortunately, I still retained the desire to learn everything I could about the thing I put my faith in, and soon, I discovered that John Edwards was playing me for a fool.  I read as much as I could about cold reading, later discovering www.randi.org, which is dedicated to the exposure of people like John.

Rats!  Foiled again.  No religion for me.  But ya know something?  It wasn't that hard.  Once I learned that John was a fake, I just let it go.  There wasn't the traumatic transition I endured when going from Christian to Agnostic, because my background in science had freed me from the "need" to believe.  I accepted what the evidence suggested, and that's it.  If the evidence changed, or new, more concrete evidence was presented, I adapted.  Within that mindset, I eventually went from Agnostic to Atheist.  Now the reasons for this basically boiled down to me not putting stock in anything without empirical and repeatable evidence.

Does that make me close minded?  Nope.  In my opinion, a close minded person is set in their ways and won't accept anything else.  Me, on the other hand, I change my beliefs ALL THE TIME.  It's just that I do it according to evidence.

Notice how quick I went from believing in life after death, (via John Edwards), to not believing in life after death?  I adapted with the evidence, which suggested that John Edwards was a fake.  I didn't hold on, I didn't try to rationalize what I WANTED to be true… I just accepted what was true.

This translates to just about everything, though at this point in my life, I can pretty much tell bullshit from something that warrants further investigation.  When I began writing this, I was going to do a step by step argument against organized religion, and had actually started collecting material to back my statements up.  Then, quite by accident, I came across an article by a young man who said everything I wanted to say.  PLUS, he'd already done all of the supporting research.

So I'll end my own part and encourage you to read the following article by the very bright, very talented, Jacob Andrews.  If you're in the middle ground between logic and superstition, it may just change your life.

http://jacobandrews.com/tomshort.htm