***

After posting the above apology, I got a shitload of complaints from people that probably think I’m being a pussy.  The first was an entry on Mike’s Forum, (which appears below), and while nobody actually came out and called me a walking vagina, I think the general sentiment needs addressing.  As such:

 

Subject:             Screw apologizing!

Name:                Mr. E

Date Posted:     Nov 18, 05 – 8:10 PM

Email:                 xxxxxxx@hotmail.com

Message:

 

I occasionally check in on your site and I think the material is well written and self explanatory.  The cumtwat who went and whined to your teacher about your PERSONAL website should be grounded, pounded, and then skullfucked for the sheer impudence.

 

If you ever make it up to northern Virginia and want a sparring partner or drinking buddy, look me up!  

 

***

My response:

 

Ya know, I pretty much feel the same way, Mr. E.  What I write is what I write, and personally, I just didn’t see how it was inappropriate.  If anything, I was expressing my shock over an uncomfortable situation… NOT insinuating that anything even remotely out of line actually happened. 

 

It’s kinda like accidentally walking in on your Mom changing clothes.  It’s a totally fucked up situation, but it doesn’t mean you have an Oedipus complex.  Moreover, making fun of a situation like that is the earmark of normality, in my opinion. 

 

Regardless, people read what they wanna read, and if somebody is dead set on finding genuine fault or genuine dysfunction, they will. 

 

After I wrote that apology, [Super Asskicker] made a comment in passing that frightened me.  He said, “What if one of those girl’s parents had read that?  They probably wouldn’t see the joke.”  

 

Scary…

 

I’ve worked around kids all my life, from camp counselor to martial arts instructor to educational tutor, and it has simply never occurred to me that I would ever fall under scrutiny.  Taking advantage of a minor is so far removed from anything that I would ever do in real life, that I’ve never before had a problem joking otherwise.

 

It’s not unlike when I go out and do my patented “Descado Lisp” for the amusement of friends.  I’m so blatantly heterosexual that the thought of somebody taking me seriously never enters my mind.  And even if somebody DID think I was gay, so what?  I’m pretty secure in my manliness. 

 

Just to clarify, I don’t put homosexuality and pedophilia in the same category.  Unless we’re talking about prison rape, butt piracy isn’t a crime.  Taking advantage of a child, however, is an abominable and predatory act that requires a special kind of sickness.  The very idea of it actually happening invokes very strong emotions in me, and the same is true of The Masses.

 

It is for this very reason that I took the so called “offensive” material down.  All you have to do is be ACCUSED of something heinous like that, and you’re fucked.

 

Lemme’ give you a different but related example.  A couple of months ago, a buddy of mine who were gonna call “Elvis” broke up with his girlfriend, (I’m picking the name “Elvis” because he dresses like it’s still the 1960’s).  I’ve known Elvis for five years, and he is- without a doubt- one of the most laid back, utterly non-violent individuals I’ve ever met.  Great, great guy; the kind everybody immediately likes because he’s always jovial and kind and funny.

 

Given the above, we were all surprised when Elvis started dating a rather confrontational girl who has some serious emotional problems.  We’re gonna call her “Skank” because she is one. 

 

Nevertheless, Elvis and Skank dated for YEARS, and their differences always seemed complimentary in a weird sort of way.  Moreover, our mutual clan of friends got along with Skank because Elvis had a “normalizing” effect on her.  I put myself into this category because Skank and I had a few laughs from time to time.

 

NEVER, however, was I deceived.  Some individuals are damaged goods, and while they deserve every chance to change, true transformation is very difficult for most people.

 

A few months ago, Elvis and Skank started having trouble, and it culminated in the incident I’m about to narrate now.  I’m actually not sure who broke up with whom, but I’m gonna assume that Elvis ended the relationship for reasons that will become clear in just a second.

 

On the night in question, Elvis came home to find Skank drunk and belligerent, her verbal attacks starting as soon as he walked in the door.  Elvis tried to disarm the situation but Skank wouldn’t let up, and it got to the point were Elvis was like, “Fuck this, I’m leaving”. 

 

Skank wouldn’t let him leave.  She became violent, going so far as to block the front door. 

 

After several minutes of this, Elvis physically moved her out of the way so he could high-tail it outta there.  Guess who was waiting outside?

 

Yep, the cops. 

 

In what has the be the most supreme act of timing ever demonstrated by the Asheville Police Department, two uniformed officers were walking up the porch steps at the same moment Elvis pushed his way past Skank.

 

Seeing the cops, Skank when nuts, claiming that Elvis had beat her, and that he was prone to doing such things.  I’m told the cops were skeptical because Skank didn’t have a mark on her, and was intoxicated.  But per law enforcement policy, they had to take SOMEBODY into custody, and a guy is always gonna lose in a situation like that.

 

Elvis was carted off to the station, finger printed, and probably held for the night.  I’m not sure about that last part because I’m a little vague on the details.  It is on account of that same vagueness that I won’t elaborate further except to say that I believe, (as many of us do), that Skank orchestrated the whole thing.  Either she called the cops as soon as she saw Elvis pull into the driveway, or she had one of her friends do it. 

 

Either way, they were RIGHT THERE when she made her last attempt to keep Elvis from leaving, in effect forcing him to push past her.

 

The next day when Elvis returned home, Skank had taken all her stuff… along with a good deal of HIS stuff.  The house had been cleaned out, which means that Skank must’ve had a lot of help.  Prearranged help, I’d imagine, because you don’t just “throw together” a moving endeavor of that magnitude.

 

I realize this is a deviously intricate affair to put into play, but Skank was and is pretty fucking smart, and just evil enough to plan everything ahead of time.  Still, I might not have been so convinced had Skank not subsequently gone around town telling everybody how Elvis abused her.

 

For those that know the two of ‘em, the Bullshit Alarm rang clear and true.  But for others, (mostly people Skank works with), the story of Elvis’s abuse was swallowed hook, line, and sinker… and Elvis became a marked man. 

 

Thankfully, it blew over quickly.  But for a while there, a lot of big angry rednecks were looking to kick his ass.  It never became necessary for me to “protect” Elvis, yet I would’ve done so immediately had the shit gone down.  Hell, I guess you could say I was HOPING somebody swaggered up to him and opened their big fat fist hole. 

 

I was admittedly pissed, and the source of my outrage bloomed from the fact that it was so utterly ridiculous.  The very idea of Elvis hitting another human being- much less a female- is a thing beyond possibility.

 

Understand: I’m not saying this as a naive, goo-goo-eyed friend who takes the side of his buddy no matter what.  No, I’m saying this as a lifetime martial artist who grew up in the Mississippi Delta, one who can spot a predator from two miles away.  And I’m not just talking about fighters, either.  I’m also talking about quiet little guys who weight a buck twenty five soaking wet and are as soft spoken as they are scared of spiders. 

 

Yeah, I can always tell.

 

I’m not suggesting that if somebody jumped Elvis he wouldn’t defend himself.  No, he’s human, and survival is hardwired… but that’s as far as it goes.

 

I’ve seen Elvis talk himself out of scuffles with much smaller opponents while being backed up with some seriously heavy hitters, (like Yours Truly), just ‘cause he didn’t want violence whether he was in actual danger or not.

 

Skank, on the other hand, has started shit IN MY PRESENCE on numerous occasions, which is yet another reason I believe she masterminded an admittedly ingenious clusterfuck on Elvis.

 

What’s the point of all this?  Well, it’s that The Masses are predispositioned to believe the worst regardless of a lack of evidence, and a witch hunt will invariably ensue. 

 

I’m no exception…

 

As I’ve said before, female abuse has always been a source of unspeakable rage for me, and I’ve put the Fear of Descado in guys for no other reason than I’d “heard” they were wife beaters. 

 

Some had it coming.  Some were innocent.  ALL were beyond the judgment of a piece of shit like me.

 

Yep, I’m as guilty as everybody else.  Again, all you have to be is ACCUSED of something heinous like that, and you’re fucked.

 

I could give you other examples, (one being a very personal incident with a “hurt” ex-girlfriend wherein I considered killing another man for the first and only time in my life), but those will not appear here.

 

I just wanted to demonstrate the dangers of putting yourself in a compromising position, and the terrible retributions that can follow. 

 

Granted, I don’t think my own situation qualifies… but it could’ve.

 

I’m as susceptible to the ignorance of The Masses as anybody else, and it’s just not worth taking the chance.

 

There are real predators in the world, and for each bullshit accusation that is made, there are thousands of genuine crimes that go unheralded.  As with Elvis and Skank, every false claim makes it more difficult for true victims to find justice, and I would never want to contribute to that by having to defend myself over nothing.

 

And so, Mr. E… I guess I’m backing down. 

 

It probably won’t happen again, but there comes a time when the pride of righteous innocence succumbs to the fear of unfair reality, and you just have to bite your tongue and take it in the pooper.

 

This is one of those times when I can’t simply say, “OH, FOR FUCK’S SAKE!  IT WAS A JOKE, GET OVER IT!!!”  And instead say, “I’m sorry.  I crossed the line.”

 

As one of my four loyal readers, (and this goes for the others that emailed in), I hope you understand. 

 

I’m still the same “Descado.”  But this situation- no matter how trivial- has made me a little wiser, a little sad, and a lot more weary of the world…

 

Sleep tight, boys and girls,

-Mike

 

P.S.  Just for Mr. E with regards to his invitation… uh, FUCK yeah?!?  If I ever make it to Northern Virginia, I’d be happy to hang out or spar or drink insane quantities of bourbon.  The same goes for the others who have offered similar invitations.  About three weeks ago, a contributing editor from www.bullshido.com came to Asheville for a wedding, and- at his request- I took a taxi all the way out to the north end of the city just to shoot the shit for a couple of hours.  I didn’t kick anybody’s ass, nor has that guy written a story about me on bullshido, (that I know of), but I have no reservations about putting a face with the name. 

 

Bring the heat, my minions, and we’ll see if I can live up to your expectations…