From: XXXXX XXXXXX

[SMTP:XXXXXXXXXXX@yahoo.com]

Sent: Thursday, January 08, 2004 12:02 PM

To: Mike Descado - Asheville, NC

Subject: Re: FW: Friends

You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.

You may not realize it, but forwarding chain email is one of the leading causes of dumbassedness.

1.There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.

Well, actually there are at least two people you SAY you'd die for. In reality, if faced with the choice, you'd probably crap your pants and wuss out........ pussy!

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

Unless you live all alone and don't know anybody. Then, no one loves you. And guess what, you're gonna die that way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

Yeah, either that or the fact that you cut them off in traffic, or your dog took a dump in their front yard, or you "accidentally" spilt scalding hot coffee on their genitals.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

More likely a smile from me brings fear, because the person I'm looking at knows I'm imagining ways to destroy them.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

Yes, as they're mixing powdered glass into the oatmeal I'll be eating for breakfast the next morning.

6. You mean the world to someone.

If by, "the world" you mean someone wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire, then yes, I mean the world to someone.

7. You are special and unique.

No doubt about that. Unfortunately, so is everybody else. Thank you, Professor Plainly Obvious from the University of No Shit.

8. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.

Thus the hang-up phone calls I get every Tuesday.

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

The biggest mistake ever is to jump on a bike with the seat missing. I make this mistake often, but nothing good ever comes from it.

10. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look around.

...and then you'll see a host of OTHER people waiting to screw you over.

11. Always remember the compliments you receive. Forget about the rude remarks.

Well, you could probably do this if only the rude remarks weren't generally true, and the compliments weren't generally utter lies used to get you into bed.

So... If you are a caring friend, send this to everyone, including the one that sent it to you.

And if you're a bitter prick with a giant ego, rewrite all the statements and send the list to everyone who has even a small chance of having a good day.

If you get it back, then you have a real friend.

WHAT?!? How the fuck does hitting the reply button make someone a "real" friend? God I hate people...

NEVER HAVE REGRETS!!!!

Yes, never have regrets. That way, you don't have to learn from your mistakes.

FRIENDS ARE ANGELS WHO LIFT US TO OUR FEET WHEN OUR WINGS HAVE TROUBLE.

Friends are people you know who come over, drink all your beer, bore the shit out of you with their problems, stink up your toilet, and then leave. The only reason to have friends is so that you can do the same to them.

_____

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