April 20th, 2004.

 

As I recently had to verbally assfuck a female friend of mine’s now-former love interest, I’ve decided to do yet another post along the “Love and the Soul” vein.  Specifically, I wanna address bullshit, and the role it plays in relationships.

 

I have a good bit of experience in this field, and while I’ve gradually gravitated towards brutal honesty in my relationships, I’m constantly exposed to men and women who are not only full of it, but inexcusably self-deceiving.

 

Since I’m a guy, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that women are more prone to self-deception than men… probably because guys will say anything to get laid.  This often manifests itself in the use of clichés, and I’m gonna explore three of the more popular ones tonight to demonstrate how stupid we all are. 

 

1. “Everything happens for a reason.”

    

This statement is absolutely true.  Everything DOES happen for a reason, otherwise, it wouldn’t happen.  For example, a several months ago, a shifting assemblage of tectonic plates created a huge upward displacement of ocean water, causing a subsequently lateral displacement when it reached the surface.  Said displacement spread out in all directions, forming a destructive wall of water when it hit land.  Over one hundred and fifty thousand people died, hundreds of thousands more left homeless and/or destitute.

 

This destruction happened for a reason.  Ocean floor earthquake = Tsunami.  Cause and effect.

 

Now, I’m not retarded, so I realize that the context in which this cliché is normally used is somewhat different.  In relationships, it’s usually employed to assign “intent” to an event.  Thus, you didn’t meet the person you’re dating because you were introduced by mutual friends, or you both chose the same time of day to go to the supermarket, or you got drunk and started talking shit.  No, you met because you were “intended” to.  Such implies a directing force, which lends special meaning to your relationship.  There was no chance involved, it was destiny… it was karma… it was the alignment of the planets.

 

HORSE… FUCKING… SHIT!!!

 

Why?  Because there’s no empirical evidence to support it; and more, it’s not logical.  Evil things happen to good people all the time.  Good things happen to evil people all the time.  Not that I really believe in that either.  Good and evil are perspectives. 

 

Take the animal kingdom, for example.  Are there good lions and bad lions?  From the perspective of the gazelle, all lions are bad, because lions eat gazelles.  Are there good men and evil men?  From the perspective of the Iraqi resistance fighters, Americans are evil because we’re fucking with their way of life.  But from OUR perspective, Iraqi’s are evil because they do not share our ideals, and because they fight back against our awesomely superior military might by flying planes into buildings.

 

With respect to love, I think that saying “Everything happens for a reason” is nothing more than a poorly-thought-out romanticized view of a simple cause/effect event, usually based on need.  Let’s say you’re a guy, and you met a girl that you like and eventually start dating… what SPECIFIC reason do you assign to your relationship?  Does she benefit from it?  Do you benefit from it?  If so, super!  But there’s nothing preternatural about it.  Saying that a non-defined super being “put” you two together is somewhat arrogant, (given the vastness of the universe as a whole, and the miniscule part our species plays in it).  After all, I’m sure you’ve been “put” with other people in your life that weren’t so great. 

 

Of course, if EVERYTHING happens for a reason, then- in the context of this post- there’s a divine purpose behind every encounter you’ve ever had.  Why then would you single out one in particular?  It’s no more chance or not chance than any other.

 

Still, let’s say I’m wrong.  If there’s an orchestrated reason behind it all, what good does it do you if you don’t know what that reason IS?  Ultimately, it changes nothing, which is why, again, people that use this cliché are taint licking butt monkeys.

 

My grandmother has Alzheimer’s, so, even though she loved me growing up, (and I her), she doesn’t recognize me anymore.  The reason for this is a biochemical process in her brain which affects her memory and cognitive functions.  From the “Everything happens for a reason” point of view, it might be argued that her condition has taught me to value my youth… but that’s not really the reason.  Even if it was, I wouldn’t praise the omnipresent “force” that inflicted Alzheimer’s on my grandmother just to make ME a better person.

 

The truth is, the reasons these things happen are not directed.  And, even if they are, the justification of the “director” is unknown, and certainly not benevolent.

 

2. “There’s more going on here than meets the eye.”

 

What does “There’s more going on here than meets the eye” mean?  Naturally, I’m familiar with the phrase itself, but, have you ever thought about it?  The IMPLIED meaning is that the superficial perception of your relationship is NOT what’s actually going on.  

 

Very well, if you say this statement and mean it, you should be able to articulate not only what said “superficial perception” is, but also what hidden actuality lies beneath it.  Are you fuck-buddies on the surface, but genuine lovers in secret?  Do you act like everything’s casual when it’s really serious?  Are your occasional meetings mere fun, or are they really a more sincere precursor to something long-term?

 

Spouting bullshit is easy, making good on it is not.

 

Why do people make hollow generalized proclamations like this when there’s nothing solid behind it?  In my opinion, the use of clichés, (especially those that involve the supernatural), allow us to say something that has meaning to someone else, without actually being committal. 

 

3. “It’s Karma.”

 

Karma is easy to talk about when you have it relatively good, when you have food to eat and a roof over your head.  Fortune smiles on you, as does misfortune to a lesser degree.  But most people in the third world, (for example), are stricken due to poverty, geography, politics, and the staggering (yet rarely addressed) problem of human population explosion.  Millions are born everyday with a shitty hand to play, and it has everything to do with circumstance, and nothing to do with what they deserve.

 

If you believe in past lives, well, maybe you can argue that the people I mentioned above are paying for something they did before.  But, if they can’t remember their former lives, how then can they learn from them?  How then can they overcome?  How then can they change things so that next time they won’t have it so bad?

 

Cause and effect is the law of the universe, and while Karma is a pretty concept, it’s basically shit.

 

Now, before I end, I wanna make it clear that my rant is nothing more than a social commentary about the little lies we tell ourselves to make good things more magical, and bad things, well, not so bad.

 

Is there really a preordained plan for everyone?  Or do things just happen?

 

Ask yourself, which perspective requires more courage to accept?